Evening Hosts Lampoon Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Residency Plan

Television's leading hosts used their broadcast mocking former President Donald Trump's just launched immigration program, dubbed the "gold card," portraying it as a clear pay-for-access arrangement for the affluent.

Stephen Colbert's Sarcastic Take

Opening his broadcast, Stephen Colbert delivered a satirical holiday jingle targeting the commander-in-chief. "He's making a list, reviewing it twice, and then giving that list to the people at ICE," he crooned. "Donald Trump ... spoils all he handles."

The subject was the controversial initiative which enables international citizens to purchase U.S. residence for an investment of $1 million dollars, or "top-tier" option for 5 million. The program's page pledges processing "with unprecedented speed."

"A brief message for you to affluent immigrants: prior to you fork over the cash, have you considered Canada?" Colbert joked.

He pointed out that the program is also meant to "get cash" from companies wanting to hire skilled workers, with large payments. "That's a lot of fees, but if you sign up, you also get two free nights at a property of your choosing – as long as it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he added.

"Unprecedented background check the government has ever done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to verify these individuals absolutely meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Commentary

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"This is a card that will let rich foreigners to live here," he said. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get legal resident status, you get a road to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one serious crime of your choosing."

"Perhaps it's time to update that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your huddled masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel mocked the simplicity of the form, noting it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"Exactly, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "That's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Affordability Struggles

On another network, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's plunging poll numbers during economic concerns. "The public gave Donald Trump a second term because they were angry about the economy," he said.

Recently, in a attempt to address cost of living, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a display of food items, where he reacted peculiarly to boxes of cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a ages."

"Trump is so extremely weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by criticizing conservative news arguments of Trump's financial performance. "Perhaps rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy like what FIFA did," he laughed.